Earthquake makes me angry.

I am going to rant... sorry... it is partly catharsis and debriefing myself.

Angry at nature...

I went up my mountain tonight to try to make peace with nature. In my visit to Christchurch I saw and heard some of the bad stuff nature can do. In just a few days of exposure to the Christchurch scene I began to see the road, the hills the harbour in a different light, wondering what sort of damage they could do here. I love nature, but I saw that she can be nasty. I got to thinking about this. One nature lover in the house we stayed in near Christchurch had an interesting perspective. She asked, "How can they call it a 'natural disaster' when it is man made structures that fell and killed the people?" As I think about it we are very ego-centric as a species. We have this view that the world of nature is our play ground and we can live how we like in it. In so many ways we forget that there are other forms of life we have to adapt to. Human beings are just one life form, one system among many systems on this spinning ball. The ball itself has a "life" and behaviours, and perhaps we have not learned to adapt well to those. We some how think it is evil if the globe heaves and shakes a little, because it damages the way we live. May be the way we live demonstrates our unwillingness to fit into the world as it is. Should we crowd into cities? Should we, particularly in NZ where we know we get "big ones" from time to time, build multi storied buildings? Nature is not being evil, it is just doing its thing. We have not adapted properly to live within its limits. It is a powerful message. One man said to me, "My four year old thinks it is great pooing in a hole in the backyard, but for me the novelty is wearing off!" Here we are with our fantastic technology and amazing infrastructure and after a few seconds we are reduced to scrounging for water and pooing in holes. May be we are just too human centred in thinking we can live how we like on this globe.

I am angry at God... sort of.

Now I do not believe that God woke up and said, "I think we will have an earthquake in Christchurch today!" He did not decide to have the earthquake, it was a part of the natural processes. But if we adhere to the traditional understanding of God creating this world for us to live in, we could still blame him saying it is "faulty goods". If my brakes failed on a new car I would take it back to the maker and ask questions! If God made this world for us then it obviously has it's faults. Well that depends on your concept of God and I have been evolving a different concept of God. That thinking also is very human centred as if everything is for our benefit. Any way I am angry at God ... I think he doesn't mind and we'll work it out.

I am angry at people...

I spent four days in Christchurch, listening to people's stories, seeing the destruction, watching the attempts at rescue and recovery and feeling aftershocks. I come back down to Dunedin and struggle with people. People seem to consider themselves seismologists! They are prattling on about fault lines and earthquakes with a confidence even the best seismologists don't have. Everyone is an expert! Everyone is a knowledgeable engineer. People are once again pontificating about how they should build buildings, and what was wrong with those that fell and what "they" should have done. Everyone is a rescue and recovery expert. People pontificate what "they" should be doing and how "they" should go about their tasks. These are people who have not even been to Christchurch and seen what has happened. People love to pontificate and prattle! Then there is the other game. It is called "Who can tell the most exciting dramatic story about the quake?" It is participated in with glee. They love to recount exciting stories they have heard. It is a novelty. It is a bit of excitement and entertainment in their otherwise dull lives. Well it is not exciting standing in front of a building knowing that there are dead and/or dying people in there and feeling frustrated and helpless! It is not exciting when you hear of people who have lost nearly every material possession they have and the power to earn. It is not exciting hearing about little kids terrified every time a car or truck passes. It is not exciting people having to struggle to work out identities of the dead mutilated bodies. It is not exciting having to visit a man in hospital who is wounded himself and has lost his partner and little baby. The long haul that people will have to face to put their lives together, the patience the perseverance and tenacity they will need, is not a subject of titillation! Nor is it entertainment to call on a young woman with a crushed deformed leg. The quake is not a TV drama, it is not entertainment, it is a sad real life and not the subject of novelty conversations.

There really are times when people should just shut up and be silent. Better still possibly, shut up and listen with compassionate hearts.

I am finding it hard sitting in such rubbernecking conversations in Dunedin. I'd rather be in Christchurch doing something to help!

I am sorry I rant. I recognise in myself that I am in my way debriefing and clearing my brain. "PBP" - Please be patient!