A moving weekend...

Today was very blustery, so I completed a cupboard unit I began some months ago.

Sad...
On Saturday I found myself depressed with my "catheter and bag" situation. It felt like my active life had come to an end. Here were the changes I had encountered. A week before my wife and I had made love, but now that was impossible and there is a possibility it may never happen again. A week before I could run, ride my bike and play energetic, fast paced table tennis. This weekend I would not be able to run, riding the bike with a catheter is not advised and when I played a gentle game of table tennis, I doubled over in pain from a spasm it brought on. Even lifting tables during the week had brought about blood in my urine. So on Saturday I was feeling down. My active life seemed over, and I felt like I may as well pack up, get fat and old and "wait for God".
Inspired moments...
During the course of my sermon preparation I fed into "You Tube" the name of Viktor Frankl. I got to listen to several clips of interviews or speeches he gave. I first encountered Viktor Frankl when we were asked to read a book of his during my theological training. The book was "Man's Search for Meaning: an introduction to Logotherapy."  It was a revised edition of "From Death-Camp to Existentialism." In the first part of the book he reflects on his experience as a survivor of war time concentration camps. In the second part of the book he spells out the basic concepts of logotherapy. I recall my first read of the book. I simply loved it! I read it all through in one sitting, wandering around my room totally excited by the philosophy, concepts and emphases.  It just rang bells with me! I have often re-read this little book. On Saturday as I listened to Frankl he told of a incidents in a concentration camp when two different people came saying they wanted to commit suicide. Their reason was that they could no longer expect anything out of life. Life seemed hopeless. He asked each to consider the question, "What does life expect of you?" and each person found something further to live for. I got to thinking about that when I was sad on Saturday. Here I am, with a relatively small set back, though a bit of a life changing set back, and feeling like it is time to shut up shop. But Frankl's question has got me going... "What does life expect of me?"  Answer  - to keep living to the fullest I am able!  It was the kick in the pants I needed and by today I feel more positive. A friend, who had been through what I am going through, visited me last Thursday. As we compared notes and talked, he said, "I told my wife - if any body can get through this with a positive frame of mind, it will be Dave! He will show us how it is done!" I realised that people will be looking at me and watching how my understanding of life, and basic directions stand up when the going gets tough! So that's my goal, to still pursue my goals and dreams in the midst of this (relatively little) setback.  I also feel more positive because I think things have settled down physically. There are now no spasms and times of bleeding have stopped.
Tears in Church...
The reading I focused on in the Church service on Sunday was the story of the rich man who came to Jesus asking about eternal life. Jesus told him to sell what he owned and give the money to the poor. I talked about Jesus' principle that in "losing our life, we find it - in giving we receive" a consistent part of the Jesus way. In a reflective part of the service I had my wife read a cute story about generosity from one of the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books. As she read the story I found myself sitting on the platform choking up, and wiping a tear from my eye. Why? It was a moving little story, but I knew it back to front? As I analysed my reaction it was that I had been preaching, and indeed trying to live this truth here for twenty odd years. I have experienced a measure of the truth of Jesus words, but I felt that most of the church people, sitting looking slightly bored, didn't have a clue about the tremendous reality I was seeking to communicate! They had not taken the risks, though they had spent lifetimes as Christians, so were on a "different page". I felt sad and a bit lonely for myself, but also sad for them - they were missing out on the essence of Jesus. But then again I could be reading them incorrectly.
True love...
On Sunday I was again talking to the friend who had been through all the prostate issues. I was grumping that until at least after the operation my sex life will be on hold. He commented that because of his issues his sex life had ended, "But that's good!" he said. "Because then you discover what true love is all about!" I thought that was neat.