Advice to son?

Tomorrow I am to lead my son's wedding ceremony and I am nervous. The decision to marry has been thought out and a long time coming, though the decision to wed tomorrow was a pretty spontaneous, short notice arrangement. One other son rang me on Monday asking, "What the hells going on? Is it definite?". He was arranging flights and time off to get here. He also wanted to make sure we were going to eat at a decent restaurant. I am very pleased, the whole family (at short notice and some cost) will be together with partners... it will be a special day of supportive love and friendship.

On Monday afternoon I sat in an armchair and had some afternoon tea and switched on the box. There was a kids' program on and in it one of the children in the story was going through the hassle of releasing a hawk he had raised since it was a chick. He was fearful for its future and was tempted not to release it, but take it to the zoo. I am a bit like that. My son is thirty something so he is not a kid. He has been through ups and downs and knows what life is about. But as I was preparing the ceremony I began to think, "This is a big step he's taking! I hope it will be all OK." I am aware of the potential for hurt. Don't get me wrong, I love his partner. I think she is a great woman with heaps of wisdom, courage and lots of personality. They are also good together and good for one another. He is a very lucky man, she has already shown great commitment, changing countries from the other side of the world and learning a new language to be with him. It is just that my little boy is taking a big step and I want it to be good for him. I am sure it will be but it is just a father's nervousness. Forty years ago I was a much more naive 20 year old taking the same step and it worked out.

What advice should I give? I got an email the other day, one of those with heaps of sentimental advice. Here are some relevant ones...

• Marry a man/woman you love to talk to.. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. (I would add "and keep talking and listening")

• Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
  

• In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

• The most important sex organ is the brain. (From another email)
  

• Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

I guess this last one is the one this nervous father needs to listen to. If he is going to choose a life partner and marry, there will always be a risk. If he is going to find that depth of friendship, that partnership and "at homeness" that marriage can offer, he is going to have to risk. I need to support the risk-taking. The baby hawk learns to fly by first falling. Only by risking can my son find the joy and intimacy marriage can offer. Tomorrow I "push him further out of the nest" and encourage him to fly. (He would probably tell me he's been gone awhile.. silly sentimental old fool father!) Please pray for them joy, fulfillment, happiness and love... even if you don't know them... just for me. (Even if you don't know me) :-)