A phone call last night got me thinking of a discussion I had with my wife the other day. We decided that over the years we had developed very good "BS detectors". The ambulance helicopter staff were telling me of a detector alert that goes off in the cab of the helicopter. If the craft is getting too near mountain tops this voice comes up and tells them. I think they have called the voice "Betty" with a not very complimentary adjective before it. It is a clearance detector. Well over the years I have developed a "BS detector", a voice goes off in my head to alert me that I am listening to "Bull Shit". It comes in all forms from different people.
Some of my drop-in centre people or others will ask for favours. They will come up and be your best friend, flatter you then ask for money, sometimes with a questionable story. There is one lady who comes and sidles up to me fluttering her well eye shadowed eyelids, being nice to me, promising to come to church, then asking if she can see me in private. (My wife bristles or is fearful of this) Out comes the most amazing stories, often with a sexual overtone, and a request for money. I turn her down because I know she lives with drug addicts. (I have sometimes given her food) Her best punch line was, "I'll just have to go back to prostitution then. You wouldn't want me doing that?"
But then there are "normal" men who do it. Over the top friendliness. They pat you on the back, treat you like their best friend, but somewhere they want something of you. Often they come across almost sleazy, greasy and the detector is going off in my head saying, "Be nice, but don't trust this guy!"
There are women who love to pile on the flattery. They will greet you with all their womanly charms, sometimes flirting and often with flattery. "But you're sooo good" "You do such greaaat things" they ooze. Even sometimes you wonder if the top button is purposely not done up so the cleavage is on show. Women are good at this and we men are regularly sucked in because of our egos. Often then they want something of you. I recall when I was a salesman in a hardware store there were certain women well known for these sorts of tactics. All the sales staff would disappear and leave the naive new comer to deal with them.
Then there is the various religious forms that really irk me. They love to turn it on for a minister. "We know whose in control don't we?" (nudge, nudge) "Bless you David, you serve the Lord sooo well." "I praise the Lord for you. It so good how you serve him! Now would you mind...." I get heaps of PR stuff from various Christian ministries and agencies. I think they must have their greasiest people write up the front cover. "Thank you for your committed support of our ministry. The Lord bless you." (But I gave nothing?!) Then will come some tear jerker story. The whole thrust will be to first flatter you because you have supported them, but also to imply that if you don't support them this time your Christian faith is suspect.
The reasons people do this sort of thing are varied and many. Often they want something. They want you to give them something or do something. Often they want to appear to be your friend for what ever reason. Sometimes they really do not like what you do and what you stand for so they over compensate trying to be nice to you. After all they are "nice" people. But for whatever reason my "Bull shit" detector goes off and I generally go quiet.
I need to be careful because I could just be cynical and this could be the way people want to reach out in friendship. I need to be open to different styles of relating. But I do love to be able to say of someone, "They are fair dinkum. What you see is what you get." I prefer to mix with these sorts of people no matter what their place in society or whether they are in church or out of church.
I am also aware that I lack social graces. I have been compared to "Doc Martin", that rude, socially inept and blunt doctor in the great TV series. May be I should learn a bit of "BS"? Oh well.... its an interesting life and people and relationships are so interesting.
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