Dunedin, New Zealand, my city - my people

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Listening is exhausting

I am tired out tonight. I spent 4 hours at my new chaplaincy today. There is a whole bunch of people I do not know, a culture I do not know and work practices and boundaries I have yet to figure out. 

I wander around and when some poor unsuspecting person catches my eye I stop, introduce myself and question. I listen intently, watching for signals that I have overstayed my welcome, or pushed too hard, or touched on subjects that are out of bounds. But I listen and try to remember the details. (I surprised a lady today when I remembered something she had said to me a few weeks ago.) 

I am still going to this chaplaincy in fear and trembling. I found myself even walking more slowly as I approached the building, trying to think of excuses why I could procrastinate.  I am essentially a shy guy so I need to push myself to meet new people like this. I have even been considering telling my boss I am too busy to take it on, it is so difficult for me to put myself "out there" to a new bunch of people. But when I do, I find I enjoy the conversations. There are interesting people willing to share. Each time I go I meet more people and have long conversations with a few more. It should get easier.

I came home tonight, sat in front of the TV to eat dinner and watch the box... pretty soon I was snoring. It is very tiring listening to people.  My fire fighters have me on and say I get paid for "doing nothing... just having cups of tea". It looks like I am doing nothing, sitting listening. It is however, a very busy, active and intense past time. When it is done well it requires authenticity, concentration and skill.  But it is also very rewarding.  I need to remember that part of it when I am almost overcome by my fear of meeting new people. It reminds me of Jesus' words, "When you lose yourself you find yourself. In giving you receive." Even though I am very shy, I find people's experience of life intensely interesting and my life is enriched by each encounter. Jewish theologian and thinker, Martin Buber says something like "God is in the 'I-Thou' encounter". 


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