The picture above is me tonight. I feel like there are a whole lot of people, circumstances and events controlling my life, hemming me in. It is not just one situation, but a whole variety of people with expectations, needs and wants. Each is not a big deal, but all at once they add up to making me feel hemmed in and bottled up. It is scary because without hurting people or letting people down, I am not sure how to get out of it. I went up my mountain tonight and coming down the hill there are stone steps down a steep slope. I found myself walking around the steps. I thought,"Why?" Because the steps forced me to take big steps, in slippery circumstances, with a tender knee, and I didn't want to! I was more comfortable with small steps. That is what I feel about my life tonight. It feels like circumstances and people are forcing me to take steps and live life in ways I am not sure I want to. It feels like every minute is organised for me and I don't get to take steps in the way I am comfortable with.
I will work it out and be happy, purposeful and creative again, but just tonight that's the way I feel and this blog has been my catharsis place. Watch this space.
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