I'm dispensable...

Footsore

Today after doing a couple of emails in the office, I walked to Speights Brewery and spent till midday walking around chatting to various people. It is an enjoyable job. I have been visiting there for a long time and people greet me warmly and chat easily. It is a building with heaps of steps, hallways and concrete floors. I walked back to the church, had lunch, did a few minutes office work and walked around to the Allied Press building to do chaplaincy there. Again I walked up and down stairs, through hallways and stood talking with people. Around 5 p.m. I arrived back at my office feeling quite foot sore and weary. The job of chaplaincy is difficult because in a way you are selling yourself. You are trying your best to gain trust and build relationships. I am a shy guy so putting myself "out there" is an effort. But at the end of today as I walked back to the church I thought, "This job is physically tiring also!" Walking, standing and talking for hours is tough going.(at my age anyway.... I did go for a 9k jog before I came home though.)

Dispensable

Have you ever been to a party and left early? It is time for you to go and you get your jacket, move to the door and turn to say goodbye. As you look around the room nobody is noticing you. Everyone is busy talking to someone and there is nobody looking to say good bye to, it looks and feels like nobody will miss you when you are gone. You realise that you can just slip out the door and everyone will carry on. Well that's a bit like what this week has been. I am going away on a European journey for six weeks on Wednesday. So I have been making my last visits to chaplaincies and doing the normal church stuff. People have been nice wishing me well as I take this time away, but you do realise that their lives will carry on undisturbed by my absence. Essentially I wont be missed, the gap left will be filled and life will go on. In fact people may enjoy the changes of face and style.

Such an experience reminds you of your own mortality or your retirement. I might think that I am a vital cog in the running of the church, the work of Workplace Support or even in the city making some sort of difference. But in reality if I dropped dead tomorrow, life will go on and only a few will really notice much. It is important to feel good about what I do. But it is unrealistic to think that I am somehow indispensable. I am unique, nobody is exactly like me. Others, however, have their gifts to offer and mine, while valuable, will barely be missed. It has been an interesting experience to do my usual calls, knowing I wont be back next week, and to most it wont be a big deal.

I like my home town.

There is a thing about being in Dunedin a long time. I simply know a lot of people. I cannot walk around to Allied Press or the Brewery without stopping to chat with some person. They are not bosom buddies, but acquaintances who are keen to stop and chat. Today was no exception. A minister in one of the inner-city churches stopped for a chat. Another friend I had sat on a committee with. As I went for a run tonight commuters were heading home along the roads I was running. Several passing cars sounded their horn and waved. Though I didn't always pick out who it was, I waved back. I came across the technician of the radio station where I record services and we stopped and chatted. I get annoyed about the cold weather in Dunedin. I often think "It would be nice to move somewhere warmer? Why don't we?" I often get frustrated with Dunedin's small mindedness, the "old-boy" network that has so much power and conservative approach to life. But there is something affirming being in a place where people know you, where you are recognised by someone down the street. In a little over a week I will be visiting cities where nobody will know me!