"Snap shots" from a Polish wedding

We are in Moszczanka, a village near Prudnik in Poland. My son and his wife celebrated a Polish family and friends wedding here over the weekend. My children and their partners traveled from New Zealand to be here with their brother. This in itself, was some achievement (there is none among us you would class as rich) and a testament to the strength of family bond they have... I am proud of them for this. Here are some "word-snap-shots" of our experience.

Willing team...

My kids arrived in the village on Thursday night and from Friday morning they joined in helping the wedding effort. They sorted out place names for the tables. They blew up balloons and we tied them to the fence and around the door of the house. They decorated the "alcohol baskets" - baskets which were used to serve the copious bottles of vodka and beer to the guests. It was great to see them just working side by side with this Polish family to help make the wedding a success.

Team Father... & Ecumenical sharing.

Michal is Magda's father and he and I seem to get on "OK" (Poles use that term too) He has declared at various times that David (pronounced like "Daveed") and he will do various jobs together. So we delivered the alcohol to the venue, we sorted out a barbecue the other night, we decorated the car and put a notice on the door. At the service I was designated to take a reading... 1 Corinthians 13:1 - 8... but at the end of the reading I was to say in Polish.. "This is the Word of the Lord". It was a simple three word sentence I could have taught myself but knowing that Michal was involved in the Church locally, I suggested that he escort me to the lectern and he could say these polish words for me. This we did. The two fathers sharing in the reading. As we returned to our seat he nudged me with his elbow and gave me the thumbs up. It is quite a thing... A protestant New Zealand minister reading scripture in a Polish Catholic Church. After we returned to the house on the Sunday night when all the celebrations were over, Michal drove one of my sons and his wife around 50k to their railway station point of departure. We had early mornings so I knew he was tired. I declared I would go with him to keep him awake. He accepted the offer enthusiastically and we made the trip together. As we drove home through the rain late at night he showed me all of the electronic wizardry of his brother's fancy VW car. It would have made a great comedy film these two guys trying to communicate through the language barrier in the car. He was trying to explain what one dial was for. Then he stopped talking, twiddled the dial, "Un momento" he said. (I think he uses this like NZ'ers use "Hang on a minute") After about 30 seconds my seat got hot. "Tak! Tak! ... my bottom is hot!" and we both laughed at another successful communication. As we pulled into the drive at home I said to him, "Dziekuje" (Thank you) He responded by giving a big tired sigh saying, "Dzieki Boga" (Pronounced like "Dinky Boga" -Thank God!) and through gestures and laughter I had learned a new Polish phrase.

Getting to the Church on time...

In some ways the ceremony started at the house. Close relatives arrive and the couple accompanied by music kneel in the living room and the parents give their blessing. This involves a sprinkle with water and a blessing. Michal went first. Magda's God-mother second (Magda's mum died just over a year ago) and then my wife and I. Then very quickly, with an accordion playing the couple and guests leave the house, jump in cars and they head off to the Church.... but Polish tradition has them sounding horns to let everyone in the village know a wedding was taking place!

Church to reception.

As the happy couple come out of the church the guests do not throw messy confetti or rice on them, they toss coins! The couple with the help of children, gather the coins up. Then it is back in the cars, and away to the hotel where the reception is to be held, again with horns blasting in celebration. Down the road there is a road block set up and two (Friends) in fancy dress stop the convoy. The couple are invited to have a drink then a ransom is demanded before they are allowed to proceed. A bottle of vodka is handed over and the convoy continues. Down the road a bit there is another similar "hold up" with much laughter. We eventually arrive at the hotel at about 3:15 p.m. Each guest going in was given a glass of champagne and invited to greet the couple on their way to the tables.

Reception

The food was served even before the couple were seated. There were no speeches, nor sedate eating and waiting for the next course, in quick succession three courses of the meal were delivered to the table and eaten very fast. (I am a quick eater, but they left me for dead!) Then starting with the bride and groom the dancing started. Throughout the night more food was brought out... the last course was a special Polish soup served to us at 1:30 a.m. on Sunday morning. The dancing was enthusiastic, involved old and young and just about anything goes. Throughout the night there were several spontaneous "crocodile lines" with old and young holding hands, dancing and singing around the tables. Several times the dancing would spontaneously be a circle of dancers clapping hands and dancing to the beat with some enthusiastic couples or the parents or others in the centre. There were dancing games and other games conducted throughout the night, with more "adult" ones reserved for late. (two guys ended up in underwear) It was "full on" but good fun. We decided to retire at 2 a.m. ... others partied on... the bride and groom got to bed at 6 a.m!

Vodka

There are no speeches like in NZ weddings where people are asked to move "toasts" to the "parents", "the bridesmaids", "the bride and groom", "Absent friends", "the Queen" uncle Tom Cobbly and all. But there are endless spontaneous toasts. A group may be sitting talking and someone fills the vodka glasses and eyeballs you, lifting their glass saying "Zdrowie" (health) and you are expected to repeat enthusiastically "Zdrowie!" and empty the glass down your throat... with a chaser if you want. I must confess that sometimes I just sipped half the glass. Sometimes too I filled my glass with water and when yet another toast came I could participate enthusiastically. (Because I loved the spontaneity and the sentiment, though I am reluctant to get drunk) Michal took me around and introduced me to lots of lovely people (There seemed to be someone in each group who knew a little english) but at each meeting a part of the meeting-new-people process was "Zdrowie!" and down the hatch yet another glass of vodka went. I did not get drunk, but my dancing improved as the night wore on. It almost became annoying because they seemed reluctant to accept that you might not want to have yet another glass of vodka! Other options with less alcohol did not seem acceptable as appropriate for the ritual. The sister of the bride drove one of my sons and his partner to the train station this morning. When she returned she reported that as the train pulled out and they went on their way, possibly never to meet again, my son leaned out the train window, raised his hand as if holding a glass and yelled down the platform at her "Zdrowie!" ... Amen to that. (Pronounced "Drovia")

Proud host...

The party continued on the Sunday.... At the resort where all the guests were provided with a room, there was a further meal at midday. Conversation and dancing if you wanted continued until 6 p.m. At the end of the weekend I thought that I could walk back to the house. It was only a few kilometres and I wanted the exercise, also the time alone to catch up on myself, and I thought it would be one less person Michal would have to arrange transport for. I brought our bags down from our room and told Michal that I would walk. "Nei!" he said emphatically, "Nei, David, Nei!" As we took the bags to the boot of his car I persisted, "Tak! I want to walk! It's dobra - good!" "Nei! You walk tomorrow... not today! Nei!" As we walked through the car park he gave his reasons with gestures as well as words. "You walk.. people Moszczanka see you. They say Michal no good, David have to walk!" I understood. If I walked home and was seen walking back, from his perspective he would be seen as a bad host and he did not want that. His daughter said I should walk if I wanted to. But even though I disagreed with my host, (I would tend to say people can think what they like its their problem. Anyway, if we knew how seldom people thought about us, we would stop worrying what people thought about us.) out of respect for him, I let him give me a lift.

A new family.....

Magda's sister had been a tireless support helping her, her dad and our family. My sons were talking to her toward the end of Sunday and offering to help with anything that needed to be done. Somewhere one of my son's said to her, "Dziekuja" (thank you) "you have been so good to us!" She smiled, her eyes twinkled she shrugged her shoulders and said in a mixture of Polish and english, "I'm your sister now!"

I guess that sums up the experience... while there have been difficulties, differences of tradition and big language barriers, we have been made to feel like part of a family though we come from the other side of the world. "Dzieki Boga" ... Thank God

Michal tells me another Polish tradition is that the fathers get drunk together on Monday night... he's calling me as I write.. wedding cake and vodka..... help!

Photos:

- The Brown mob decorate the fence

- Enthusiastic dancing

- The extended "Brown mob" at the Sunday part of the reception.

- One of the dance-games ... this was a "kissing" game... you danced around and had to kiss the woman you ended up in front of.

- Me, Michal (father of the bride) and Daniel (groom)

- The blessing at the home.