This morning I watched on UTube the singing of Susan Boyle in that "Britain's Got Talent" competition. It was heart warming. This "frumpy" looking spinster from the moment she started to interact with Simon intrigued me. I think she really did not like Simon patronisingly calling her "Darling" and asking her age... I think she had him sized up before she even started to sing. The audience were even laughing at her and expecting an embarrassing audition. But when she started to sing she had only finished the first line and she had everyone including the judges with her. It is great stuff... an ordinary person saying "Up You" to the plastic measuring sticks of this glitzy, superficial and empty souled world we live in.
It happened for me last night. I wrote my last post just before our drop-in centre last night. I was feeling tired, lonely and grief stricken. Drop-in centre was difficult because people kept wanting to play table tennis or pool with me while others wanted to tell me their latest problems. I was exhausted by the time we stopped at around 9:30 p.m. But quite near the start there was a "Susan Boyle" moment that warmed my heart. We have this man who comes who is sometimes "out of his tree". He has mental health issues, is sometimes quite paranoid and can be quite aggressive toward people in the way he speaks. He is often aware of the times his mind is muddled and causing him to rant. He is really quite an intelligent man I have come to appreciate. As I opened up the doors and let people in, I saw him sitting on the car park fence and walked down to sit next to him. I asked how he was. "I am feeling good tonight" he replied. After a brief chat about his health I went upstairs to join the rest. Just as I was being asked for my first game of table tennis (I think I played table tennis for over an hour and a half) this man came to me and began asking about my friend's death. He showed empathy, understanding and compassion and I felt he identified with my feelings. The sense of companionship I was aching for in my post was not answered by the colleagues or people one would expect to reach out to me. It came from a mental health patient who many people laugh about, write off or even despise. For that I am thankful... you just "cannot tell a book by its cover".
2 comments:
Grief is indeed a personal and lonely thing. It can also be a surprising thing, not quite what is expected often. And the pain is very deep and profound and difficult to put into words. You are doing a great job at the latter!
Your 'surprise' is heart-warming to read about. It is also encouraging and says something about the God we follow, the God of surprise in the ordinary. Sometimes we expect we know where to find God, and yet can be surprised to see that God continues to show reveal God's self to us in new and unexpected ways.
As I sat crying in church this morning, still greiving about Dad's death, someone came and sat beside me, someone I least expected, and I too was aware that God continues to surprise me and walk closely in spite of the sadness and incredible pain.
Thank you for all you are...the cost of loving so deeply is the enormous pain when that person is gone. I feel it too.
May you continue to find God in surprising ways as you grieve.
Nina
Hi Nina
you mob are in our thoughts as you cope with your loss. I felt privileged to be part of the memorial service and with you guys in the planning.... but it does not take away that sense of loss. I am fairly isolated in ministry here and the links I had with Ian made me feel less alone in the journey. It seems strange, but from another country, I will miss him "Being there with me". His life flows on in the many people he spent time with. Love and thoughts to all.
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