Grrrrr! I don't get it?

I have had an "intense discussion" with one of my musicians and I am angry, upset and feel like telling everyone to get stuffed. There are several issues as I see them.

First: I must admit openly that I do not like organs as an instrument. On Sunday mornings when I hear the organ begin I get a ball in my stomach that is getting worse. When I went to graduation services at the Town hall, when the organ cranked up I was just about physically urged to run away, the sound was sooo repulsive to my ears. (When that stopped the bagpipes started!) In the 1990's I went to a seminar on leading worship that will attract people in our day and age. The leadership of the seminar had done research and surveyed a cross section of the NZ population and 96% of the population did not like organ music. I am not alone. I recall having a visitor to see me at the church one day while my organist was playing. I met him in the car park and led him through the church building. When I got to the door of the chapel and opened it he took a step in and immediately stepped back. "Oh I hate that!" he said. "What?" I asked. "The organ music! It reminds me of when you die." I had to lead him around to the office the other way, so deep was his repulsion.

Second: As you may guess my "discussion" was about "church Music" preferences. I don't think we are good at looking at things from another person's perspective. We are not good at putting ourselves in the skins of people who hate organ music and trying to fathom what "worship" is like for them. That's what I learned from my discussion. But this applies to lots of things. What is it like not being able to read? What is it like not being able to get a job? What is it like being a woman in various circumstances? etc. We could go on... but I just think we all at times find it hard to put ourselves in someone elses shoes, and so we causes "differences".

Thirdly: All of my ministry life I have found myself being piggy in the middle about Church music. Number one... I have had a guts full of being piggy in the middle! Number 2... in the big scheme of things, when Jesus' priorities are taken into account, it is just not worth arguing about! Get a life for petes sake! That's why I have put up with organ music. I know the old people have grown up with it so I have not rocked the boat... but when I do try variation I get drawn into this useless, waste of energy... arguing about music.

Fourthly: I guess one of my problems is that I just don't get worship! It does little for me. And it does even less for me when I am aware of the different tastes and am constantly trying to please people. Now I lead worship. I am a better than average leader of worship. I believe I communicate in a way that get's people on board and encourages or challenges people. But I still think that for many people worship is "spiritual masturbation", trying to get their jollies in a way that was never meant to give satisfaction and is often an avoidence of the real thing. I played soccer with IHC and excluded people this morning. Watching people come out of their shell, enjoy their God-given bodies, encouraging them in that, gave me much more inspiration than any worship does. Feeling I have been there for someone; watching people from the community sitting in Space2B sharing their joys and sorrows; making progress, laughing, sweating and aching muscles on a Habitat house; these sorts of things are "worship", are inspiration, learning and edification for me! They give me a real sense of partnership and participatiion with the Sacred one! Give me those over any worship service, whatever the instrument of preference! This is REAL worship and sunday worship a faint shadow of reality.

(I once had a good, flexible, skilled organist in the Levin church who had a feel for worship. She played along with a bass guitarist and that was beautiful. We also talked and dialogued our way through worship which was meaningful. We stopped and prayed for each other. We thought up relevant songs on the spot sometimes. It was the closest I have come to authentic worship in a church.)

I wonder?: This is probably shocking and heresy. In four years time I retire. Though I have led worship all my life, I really doubt that I will attend worship when I retire. Don't get me wrong. I will still "believe" and I will still be involved in Christian "ministry" and "mission", but worship in any church setting these days has almost become so repulsive to me that I can't see me fitting in anywhere. Weird??? And "music" and being "piggy in the middle" for so long has done that to me! Far from being inspiring, encouraging and building me up, it has the opposite effect, thanks to people who endlessly choose to argue about it.

I feel better now that I have that off my chest. I am off to a night shelter Trust Board meeting, then a Habitat for Humanity meeting. Better than choosing songs for Sunday... I HATE IT!