Once again I have had a busy week without a true day off. I had a big funeral last Saturday for a woman I had known most of my life and I have been feeling a bit drained, I suspect as a reaction to it. We had the crematorium bit of the service on Monday morning, usually my day off. Other work for the church followed.
Also I have not been sleeping well. I drop off to sleep quickly but wake at about 2:30 for a "pit stop" and just don't get back to sleep until its time to be getting up. My mind, after a bit of sleep wakes up and I start stewing on things; work to do, things I ought to be doing, things I have not done etc. etc. So I lack sufficient sleep.
We have been finding work around the church for a guy on a community service sentence, and this has added a bit of extra work and responsibility for both my wife and I. He has, however, been a hard worker, which has not been the case when I have done such supervision before.
On Friday night the Drop-in centre people were like little kids. The police were called to some of our drop-in women having a difference of opinion on the footpath even before we opened. There was another exchange of unpleasantries at the pool table and others putting others down. One man was drunk, happy but disruptive. Another ran out of petrol and money and was asking for help. Not a great night. I was angry at the end of it and suggesting we close the drop-in down for a night or two "to teach them a lesson". I wont do it, but that's how I was feeling.
On Saturday we had a great day at the Habitat for Humanity site. We did ceiling battens and put trusses up. I was fulfilling a pivotal role of leadership, running on pure adrenalin, enjoying myself but lifting heavy weights, clambering around frame work and working hard. My muscles are sore, knee joints aching and arms feel like lead weights.
Today I lead a service trying to explain essentially two verses of scripture;
"Why spend money on what does not satisfy? Why spend your wages and still be hungry? Listen to me and do what I say, and you will enjoy the best of food?" ... Isaiah 55: 2
and;
"Do not work for food that spoils; instead, work for food that lasts for eternal life." John 6:27
I wanted to communicate the experience of Jesus when he said; "My meat is to do the will of my Father." But I looked at the congregation and thought "This is beyond their experience. How do I explain the inexplicable? It has to be discovered in life somehow."
In the service at one stage I had a mental block... a verse I wanted would not come to mind! I knew it but my mind could not find it. I am physically tired and stiff but still restless and stewing. Just maybe at nearly sixty one I am pushing myself a bit much? I still have the same idealism, passions and dreams of a young minister. I still want to "change the world" "make a difference", but sometimes feel my old body letting me down.
The week ahead:
Monday: hopefully some work on a Habitat house that will enable me to cross another job off my "to do" list that I stew on at night. I will have some time off!
Tuesday - Sunday: Normal chaplaincies, Sunday service; Habitat on Saturday; Launch of a new project on Wednesday; Walking Group Wednesday; Church board meeting on Tuesday; Night Shelter Trust meeting Thursday; Prepare and record a radio service some time; Friday run a seminar/debrief for chaplains who have lost chaplaincies; Drop-in centre Friday night; Enough to keep me out of trouble this week. Enough to keep me young. :-)
Photos: A couple of shots of Saturday's Habitat for Humanity fun.
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