Dunedin, New Zealand, my city - my people

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

"Intimate relations"

Related to yesterday's blog about marriage is my annoyance at many Christian understandings of sex and sexuality. I recall when I got married we were gifted a Christian book giving guidance about marriage. If we had followed that our sex life would have been exceedingly boring and we would have given it up in preference for playing snakes and ladders! I was reminded of this book when I was given this quotation from an actual text book not that long ago. This is an actual extract from a sex education school text book for girls, printed in the early '60's in the UK and written by a woman.

"When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be led by your husbands wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had. Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices, be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent."

There was more to it but you get the picture. I would love to know what the writer thought of as "unusual practices"! That is similar to the book given to us. Another quotation by Don Schrader reads; "To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals."

I believe sex and sexuality are among some of the most precious gifts of life to be relished, enjoyed and celebrated. I believe there is a place for sensuality, the erotic and plain sexy fun and imaginative variety .... even when you are an old man like me. (In the film "The Fastest Indian" an older Bert Munro had a girl friend over for a night. Unfortunately at some stage he took some sort of heart turn and an ambulance was called. The neighbours gathered and as the ambulance departed, the girlfriend in a dressing gown was being stared at. She said something like, "What's the matter with you? Old men need loving too!" ... I laughed so hard that my wife dug me in the ribs, hoping that there was no one in the theatre that we knew.) I have been disappointed that very few Christian writers tackle this subject in a positive, free and celebratory way. What prompted this blog was that I got side tracked last night on to various Christian sites that mentioned the subject. What a load of morbid, life limiting, "down-with-sex" advice and perspectives were listed off! If they are true, I'm going to hell. (Happily) I should not be surprised by the lack of free writing, because in all my years of ministry I have often been too afraid to say what I really believe about this. Every time I have spoken on the subject, however, I have received phone calls from people saying in effect "thank you for affirming what I secretly believe." and comments suggesting that they felt liberated by the experience. I think the Christian religion has a lot to answer for by giving sexuality such a bad reputation.



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